The Struggle

I have been chronically homeless my entire adult life. And yet the circumstances that lead to me being homeless were a lifetime in the making. I have always fought against this state of being homeless, but have had very limited success in that regard. A few years ago, I came to understand that to break this cycle, I would need to face all that is within me, and deal with it, in order to change the path my life is on. This requires me to not only be honest and admit my many short comings, but also to seek out the causes and reasons behind these causes, and from there make the appropriate changes in my thinking and actions.

I now know more about myself that ever, but there is so much more to deal with. There is a lot of crap in my head. As each hidden aspect of becomes revealed, I go through a long process of dealing with it. At first, I am amazed at yet another revelation. This revelation is rarely ever a good thing, causing me to experience a period of depression, or more like mourning – saddened to know of another negative aspect of myself. Then comes the process of dealing with it, and accepting it, and hopefully, finally relegating it to the past. I can now see how things I do today were inspired by things that happened to me in the past, especially with regards to my relationship with my parents and how I was raised. It’s not all about them, but a lot of it is.

In recent posts, I began writing about the past, only to stir up emotions and memories that put me in yet another depressed state. I very much want to continue writing on this subject, but before I can I’ve got to go through another round of processing of the new thoughts and epiphanies that have arisen for my tapping deeper into that subject than I had previously.

Depression and Social Anxiety are no joke, and should not be taken lightly. They are the causes of much suffering in this world, and we all would be better off without them.


About Kevin Barbieux

I have been diagnosed as being chronically homeless. I write about my experiences and opinions of being homeless
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