Can I End It All?

Still, there are other things I want and need to be doing with my life, but I am spending the majority of my time on the internet.   Thing is, the internet is no longer a real necessity for me.   I could, with the right amount of will power, live my life without ever getting back on line again.   Now, I could see that if I was drawing a real income from the internet, I would need to be online.   But that just isn’t happening.  Sure I get occasional donations on my paypal account, but life requires much more.    If I was spending my internet time out selling the homeless paper instead, i would be doing much better.    In the beginning, I had nothing better to do than be online,  then when I started blogging I had a real purpose for spending my entire day on the computer.    But I’ve said just about everything I have wanted to say, on the blog.  And the vast majority of visits to the blog are to posts I made years ago.   The blog doesn’t need me anymore.  It runs at about 250 visits a day, whether I post anything new on it or not.  And none of those readers are sending donations, so to make my time online worth it.  And there are other distractions on the internet besides the blog.   I had really hoped that somehow or another I’d be able to find a way  to make a living on the internet, but nothing has really panned out.  Sure, I have gained a lot from my activities on the internet – I’m certainly a much better person today, in many ways, all for my efforts online.   But I’ve come to the end of all that the internet can do for me.    It really is time to move on, and to do things with my life outside of this keyboard and screen.    Here’s the biggest problem, though.   I once read that anything a person does for 21 straight days can become a habit.   Well, I’ve been doing the internet for 21 straight years.   I am very addicted to the internet.   Already, I have attempted (several times) and failed miserably, to end my facebook account.   It would certainly help if I didn’t have this laptop – it is too convenient.  I doubt if I’d be able to get anything for it, if I tried to sell it.   Should I just throw it in the trash?   it would help some if I did.  More than likely, though, I’d just spend more time going to the library to use their public assess computers.   I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I need to do something.


About Kevin Barbieux

I have been diagnosed as being chronically homeless. I write about my experiences and opinions of being homeless


  1. …However , at this time , having received another summons forwarded from Santa Cruz to San Jose for another camping-while-homeless ticket ( The reason I got put in jail in the first place , a number of them piled up………….Oh I said that…) , I was thinking of maybe going back to SC , doing some sort of guilty plea , and maybe dso a couple days more there…The thing is , things have happened here that have sort of busted my comfy homeless bgubble here apparently , so maybe a shake-up/” retrat “/maybe being able to sleep a little , anway…Sort of like a monastic retreat , he said to himself dramatically………


  2. This is JG3 , Joe Gould 3 , the homeless guy from SF who's posted-briefly-here B4 .
    I am elsewhere now. I remember you,Kevin,were tlakling about how,IIRC,you might become homeless agin in early 2013. Is that still on?
    I seem to remember that,in the older days of the blog(Which I have followed over the years but not super-regularly) you were working out of Las Vegas for a while,also well as Nashville. I seem to remember one point where you were at least in-a-mission houised then oved to somewhere where,at least at that pouint, you were homeless again.
    Myself,I left the somewhat “nice” CA town (not SF) in was in most recently after being in jail (starting on MLK Day) for 2 nights,for not having shown up for court dates for having received camping tickets-I.e.,”being homeless and poor”.
    I was a “nice” jail situation,and was allowed to cop a plea/be suspended-sentence/on probation after 2 overnites-but with a “I was supposed to stay away from” the downtown area of that town,which really would not let me live particularly,so to speak,let me be arresred anytime. So I've left…


  3. thanks for sharing.


  4. I guess that I would wonder if perhaps there is something else that you gain from doing this? It's a lot like keeping a journal. Perhaps the writing and interaction help in the sense of being connected, or perhaps even as an internal sorting out of emotions and thoughts. I make art for those reasons! I can't say that I make any money from my art, despite having done it for a long time. If I look at my art-making from a strictly commercial aspect, then I should give it up, right? Because it uses up time, doesn't earn a living, etcetera. However, I have come to the conclusion that in doing it, something is satisfied for me. It helps to put my emotional house in order, as it were. All that glimmers is not gold… My thought, for what it's worth, is that blogging and internet and writing may simply be your way of filling the well, making sense and processing the world. I am new to your blog, but I deeply appreciate that it's here, and that you created it.

    This societal system of capitalism and materialism and greed is really not a healthy state for anyone, I feel, whether they have OR have not. The larger priorities are out of whack, and for all of us people stuck inside of the system, the mismatch is painful. Living inside of a society that has lost its soul is painful. Our country is really struggling, in many ways. I've sometimes wondered if this is what it felt like to live during the collapse of the Roman Empire…


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