Not Feeling It

I’m tired, and still a little sick, I have a head ache, I’m hungry, and I’m out of money.

With money I can avoid the uglier aspects of homelessness. I feel depressed and disappointed and disillusioned.  Thousands of people have seen my donation buttons but almost no one donates.   Yes, I did recently raise money for a new laptop, but all of that money came from old acquaintances, people who have known about my blog for a long time.   None of the donations for the laptop came from new or current readers.  Additionally, I’ve been cranking out relevant content about homelessness for a long time. and yet my blog only shows up on the 5th page of google on the keyword search for “homeless”.  There are articles over a year old that rate higher on google than my blog does.  It feels like my blog is being purposely buried.   What’s the point of my effort here if no one hears me, if no one stands behind what I do?   Sometimes I feel like shutting down this blog, but being that I’m the only one who really cares about it, the only one that would effect is me.   It’s like playing the game Minecraft.  You build a whole world that only you will ever see.  The enjoyment of it seems hollow.

I’m in a crappy mood.  Makes me feel vindictive.  Makes me want to tell people what I really think of them.  If people have ever thought I’ve said mean things about them, they should know that I have always held back.  I want to blast people, stupid and mean-spirited people who have harmed me in the past.   Should I bring up even more of the crap my parents did in their rather lame attempt to raise me?  Should I write about all the things my ex-wife did, so that our kids can know what a really bad wife and mother she was?  No?  Should I really carry all of that to my grave?   Did you know that sometimes I feel stressed?

Oh, btw, there are two knuckle heads sending me hate mail.  Just want to let them that their messages now go directly to the trash without being read.