Dealing With My Past

As difficult as it has been, living on the streets of San Diego, it has been really good for me.   I am seeing that first part of my life, before I left San Diego, in a new light.  I am seeing San Diego, the city, for the first time. With the mix of my Aspergers, my mother’s attempts at isolating me, my father’s constant threats of physical punishment for not being normal, the constant bullying from  family, the constant teasing from kids my age whom I tried to socialize with, I lived those first 21 years of my life as a reluctant hermit.  As great as San Diego is, I was not able to enjoy it.  Many people have asked me why I left San Diego – that was the reason.  Life was going to be shitty no matter where I lived, so it really didn’t matter where I lived – except that all the ugliness of my life was in San Diego, and I very much wanted to get away from it.   There is no doubt in my mind that if I had stayed in San Diego, I would have committed suicide or would have gone crazy.  It was necessary that I leave.

Now I am seeing my past with the objectivity that comes from the distance of time.  And just as seeing homelessness in San Diego gives me a new perspective and wider understanding of homelessness, I am also seeing my past with a new and better, more clear, perspective.  For this I am understanding my past better.  This all leads up to me feeling much better about myself, about the life path that was imposed on me by circumstances beyond my control, and what has become of my life.

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About Kevin Barbieux

I have been diagnosed as being chronically homeless. I write about my experiences and opinions of being homeless
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