Because this program makes sense, and that the case managers are attentive and considerate, without being pushy and aggressive, and that they have a truly workable game plan, I’m going to stick with it and see where it gets me. If all goes well, I should be in a home of my own by Thanksgiving.
My health continues to improve, but I must tell you that I was somewhat glad, at the time, that things were heading south. I wanted relief from this perpetual homelessness, and death was as good an option as any other. Actually it seemed like the only option. In the past I tried killing myself, but I couldn’t go through with it. Death is scary. and it’s not like I decided I wanted to live after all, it’s only that I couldn’t bring myself to commit suicide. So becoming deathly ill was the next best thing. A blood clot to my brain or heart would have been perfect. Now here I am, in a better mindset and feeling hopeful. (“hopeful” is not the same as “full of hope”) I still don’t know what I’ll do with myself once I get a place of my own, I might become depressed all over again, though I doubt it considering I’ll actually have a place here in my home town of San Diego, where I grew up.